We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn’t stay alive.
|homosexual:||sexually attracted to homer simpson|
|pansexual:||gets off to various kitchen utensils|
|asexual:||gets turned on by the first letter of the latin alphabet|
|demisexual:||sexually attracted to you if and only if your blood is half divine|
|bisexual:||can only have sex with two people ever. choose wisely|
|heterosexual:||can only be satisfied by macklemore|
You can go ahead and call me a professional frugal shopper because I just got this kickass $200 navy wool blazer from J.Crew for $45. Other finds that I would say cement my status of professional frugal shopper are two pairs of Allen Edmonds shoes (one in perfect condition, one needs resoling) for $13 and $4, respectively, about 10 ties including brands such as Oscar de la Renta, Yves Saint Laurent and Liberty of London that I spent no greater than $8 apiece on (and typically $1-3), two band new Ralph Lauren button down shirts for a whopping $2.50 apiece, a pair of new black Levi’s 511 jeans for $5, and three Dooney & Bourke All-Weather Leather purses for less than $30 for all three. Am I bragging? Yes. Do I care? No. OH GOSH and I almost forgot the fabulous Audrey Hepburn-esque black and white dress that I got at Anthropologie for $20… on sale from $200. I may be kind of addicted to shopping but like… so many nice things for so cheap. Ugh.
We’re all familiar with the sexy-armor problem, right? You play a game or watch a show or flip through some art, and if there’s a lady in armor, it’s like the least useful suit of protective gear ever conceived of.
(NSFW under the cut)
do yourself a favor and read this
"Optional modesty scabbards"
I’m having a religious experience looking at the back of this guy sitting in front of me at the coffee shop. Hot damn. He has this super hero-esque perfect inverted triangle of broad shoulders and narrow waist and you can see the perfectly toned muscles of his shoulders and arms through his tight but not too tight t-shirt and he has such good posture it’s ridiculous. Also he’s wearing the finest-ass shoes and nice jeans and his skin is the most beautiful shade of brown and he looks like he just got a haircut and his face is like an angel.
I learned some FUN SHIT about my coworkers today.
Including the most likely meaning of this thing that one of them said to me once. It was one of those “I’m definitely sure this is an inappropriate and probably misogynistic comment but had absolutely no idea what it meant. This is the guy who got fired for sexual harassment a couple days later, by the way.
So done with here and these people.